A Clockwork Beck

It was my idea, but I felt something more than a tinge of anxiety about the prospect of executing on it.  I asked The Engineer if he would like to run with it.  Citing chronic indigestion, he declined.  So, the matter fell to me, The Lawyer.  I reached down in my pants, verifying that I still had a pair.  I did.  

I determined to watch Glenn Beck's show, on Fox News, for a week and report on it.  Picking up the remote, I noticed my hand just barely shaking.  Reminding myself that merely watching a program on the television could not harm me, I took a deep breath, puffed my chest, and steeled myself, a large container of Tums at the ready.

Monday:  Beck is quoting Thomas Paine; something about standing up to tyranny.  Here, in this context, the tyrant is liberal and progressive government.  It's seems lost on Glenn that the tyrant that Paine spoke of was King George The Insane.  Two very fucking different things!  G. Gordon Liddy is pimping gold in a commercial, reminding everyone that the value of the dollar is going to hell.  Glenn's back, warning his viewers that health care reform is not about doing what's right.  It's not about prohibiting abusive practices on the part of insurance companies hell bent on screwing us all the way to the poor house.  As Glenn tells it, it is a power grab by the Democrats in their demonic plan to take control of the country and deprive every last citizen of their personal freedom.  God help me!  Another buy gold commercial.  With a stack of books next to him as a prop, Glenn rails against the the student loan bill intended to take financial institutions out as the middle men and make college more affordable by eliminating interest on student loans.  Somehow this is evidence of more power grabbing and control mongering by "big government."  Fuck you Glenn.  Thirteen years later and I am still paying it off at 8% per annum.  Another gold commercial.  More paranoid prattling about big government and this quote:  "Your rights come from God, not a politician."  I don't even know where to begin in outing the utter fallaciousness of that statement.  Another gold commercial.  Glenn closes carrying on about some twisted crap about faith, hope and charity being the answer, the assumption being that government could never deliver on those things.

I turned off the television, shuddered, mixed a stout scotch and soda to cleanse my mental palate, and shuddered again.  I  doubted whether I could keep this up through to Friday.