Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A Clockwork Beck, Tuesday

The Engineer would have none of it despite my whining and pleading to him on the other end of the phone.  He did hint that he might take over the duty of watching Glenn Beck for the rest of the week if I would agree to baby sit his children every weekend for an entire month beginning Friday.  I conveyed to him the unacceptability of the proposition by hanging up.

Upon arriving home I searched the house for any diversion possible to occupy me in an act of dereliction of duty.  The clothes were folded, the dishes clean and put away, the toilets gleaming and minty, and the yard still brown and in no need of mowing.  There was no available excuse to avoid another lost hour and an inevitable dampening of my spirits.  I did consider one other thing I could do instead, but knew my wife would be home soon, and concluded it would be slightly less disconcerting for her to catch me watching Glenn Beck than perusing www.milfswithgargantuanfakefunbags.com.

I summoned all the bravery I could muster, and hit play.  

Tuesday:   I guess Faith, Hope and Charity is the theme of the week, since fuck face can't quit talking about it.  A passing reference to Democrats as "snakes and cockroaches" in reference to their efforts to pass health care, and overcome the party of No.  "Besides the military, tell me what government does well?" the bastard implores, his eyes wide with daring.  Oh let's see, roads, schools, libraries (where Glenn claims to have educated himself after dropping out of high school), the justice system, disease control, and a thousand other things.  Glenn introduces a panel of three white men.  A cantankerous old bastard that used to be a judge, a frat boy economist, and a pencil-neck Jesus freak.  It is quickly understood that they have a shared hatred of government, and I suspect particularly when the executive is in the hands of a black Democrat.  Judge Napolitano the Cantankerous, suggests that Senator Schumer wants the Bill of Rights repealed.  But, if you want to do away with government, that's as good as place as any to start, your honor.  Glenn comments that passage of health care will guaranty government intrusion into our homes, and then makes this alarming declaration:  "Democrats want people to have fewer babies," the implication being that liberals sanction abortion to satisfy their insatiable lust for the death of the vulnerable and young. I consider punching myself in the dick to make sure I am really awake and this isn't just a fucked up dream.  Thank God!  I never in my life thought I would be so happy to see G. Gordon Liddy pushing gold.  More crap about Faith, Hope and Charity.  I still have no idea what mythic significance these words have for Glenn.  Another gold commercial.  David Barton, the pencil-neck Jesus freak says that liberals misplace faith in government, instead of God.  And this zinger:  "Social justice should be delivered by religion, not government."  Right, Barton.  Close the courthouse doors, get out your pitch forks.  Grab the noose, Cleetus.  It's time to do the work of the Lord.  What an asshole!  Another commercial break, but no gold.  Just a plug for The Teaparty Express coming to a town near you.  I can't fucking wait.  As Glenn sees it, the passing of health care is a constitutional crisis.  The judge opines that faith is being destroyed by government.  Barton accuses the administration of obfuscating facts.  Oh the goddamn irony.  Glenn closes with, "Faith, hope and charity come directly from God to you, to give you the spine to stand up."  Uh, yeah, sure.  The last gold commercial.  Stop.  Erase.

After another hour gone for ever, I imagined this is what it must feel like to have an out-of-body experience, and to have visited an alternative reality where fact and fiction are indistinguishable, inseparably pureed.  I shuddered, mixed a stout one of Scotland's blended finest, and shuddered again.  Only three days to go, I consoled myself.  Damn my eyes and ears.  

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