Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Brainwashed Students Continue Rioting

After President Obama’s speech to the nation’s school children today, students from pre-k to twelfth grade took to the streets, overturning cars, setting fires, breaking windows and looting stores. Chants of, “Boo-USA!” and, “Capitalism is poo-poo!" were heard being shouted by the young protestors.

When asked by a reporter why she had participated in the riots, little Cindy McPherson, a kindergarten student at a Dallas, Texas elementary school, shouted, “Heil, Obama!” and disappeared into a violent crowd of student protesters from her school. An hour later, little Cindy was spotted setting fire to the American flag.

“I knew this would happen,” said Bill Jeffers, the father of a Bentonville, Arkansas student. “Godd*#m it!” he said. “I told his mother not to let him watch that Obama talk indoctrination to our kid.” When asked what his wife said in response to his demand he said, “Oh she ain’t my wife. We’re divorced. She just said she wouldn’t talk about anything with me until I paid the child support I owe. Bitch.”

The National Guard has been called into to quell the rioting by most of the state’s governors as of this afternoon, according to The Pentagon. It is not clear when the rioting will lose steam. Some officials expect it to go late into the night.

Sheriff Billings, the sheriff of Hilldale County, Missouri, expressed concern when asked about the rioting. “We’re doing all we can for the moment. We’re out in riot gear, armed with rubber bullets and tear gas,” he said. “If this don’t ease up, I’ve heard the Governor’s folks talk about putting the National Guard on notice for F-15 air strikes.”

While Sheriff Billings, a 6’5” man of about 300 pounds, was talking to this reporter, a young boy’s war cry could be heard coming from outside. Sheriff Billings jumped in his seat, and stayed distracted. “I think we’re okay here for the moment.”

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