Saturday, September 12, 2009

WWLD (What Would The Lawyer Do)

It is official. We here at The Lawyer and The Engineer are more popular than Jesus, or so tell us our throng of followers (all three of them). I must refute the comparison now. Though The Engineer has been known to walk on water by means of some contraption he invented that makes his feet appear as if they are festering from some rare biological mishap, and though I am known for martyring myself on a daily basis, flailing and thrashing about in self pity, neither of us resembles the Avatar of Nazarene.

But, if I could be Jesus for a day, what would I do? I wouldn't bother appearing in physical-matter reality. That would be too risky, as I learned a valuable lesson the last go-around. However much you think I enjoyed being hammered to a piece of wood, and poked with spears by a bunch of Italian thugs, and left to bleed to death, the experience was disturbing, painful and generally not worth repeating.

What I would do is go about making apparitional appearances, rousing up the most outwardly pious and devout of our conservative leaders from their slumbers and scare the living bejeesus out of them, and otherwise, give them a good, stern talking to. First and foremost, I would seek to impress upon them that they are way off the mark in thinking they lead their own lives in any way that resembles what I was talking about a couple of millenia ago. Though there is two-thousand years between us, I was way ahead of their time.

Unlike them, I was a liberal. I stood for compassion and inclusion, and the turning inwards of consciousness upon itself wherein the Kingdom resides. I was firmly against locked-down, small-minded, meideval, ethnocentric prescriptions that constrict a person's God-given right to be free in their thoughts and actions as long as no harm to another results.

Bearing down with force, I would let them have it about what I really meant when I talked about love. "It was Love (with a capital L) I was talking about--big universal Love that is large enough to extend to all, not just a few neandrothals that make up your little fart-brained tribe. Got it! Don't make me hurt you, by God.

"Now, take this piece of paper, and I want you to write one-thousand times, 'God is Love, Love is Compassion, and all people are God's children, even Democrats.' Quit screwing around and get to scribbling. I'll be back in the morning to check your homework. If it is one short of a thousand, woe be thee, my child."

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